It was a gorgeous Fall day, the aspens were bright yellow, the warm breeze was lifting the fallen leaves up into the air as I rode my bike up Four Mile Canyon following the creek up into the hills. I was peddling along loving every moment of my “BK experience”. Memories flooded in of those years before kids – “BK”. I remembered a sweet lil’ café up the road in Salina – perhaps it was called the Salina Café. It was a breath taking ride – literally and figuratively – as I came around each bend hoping to step into the past. It must be around the next curve, the next, it’s just got to be around this one here. Finally, around the bend I see the Church across the street from the café. My heart lifted with excitement and then a moment of wonder, then sadness mixed in with joyous nostalgia. I suddenly felt like a woman from one of those movies who goes back to her roots looking for her old stomping ground just to find out that the café has been transformed back into a house. I called out to a woman across the street, “Wasn’t this once a restaurant?” “Yes, a LONG time ago.” I stood looking, remembering, picturing me and my friends sitting on the patio sipping a drink and listening to the creek. Here I’ve been for years holding the image of this café, longing to go back. All this time it existed in my mind, but in fact it hadn’t been there for over 5 years now. I took a deep breath and turned my bike back down the hill. Suddenly the wind picked
up, trees swayed, shedding their leaves and throwing them to the winds allowing them to fly across the canyon road and find a resting place beyond. An earthly ritual of shedding the old, resting, and budding anew in the Spring. It felt as though the wind was sending me a message to shake and shed and allow room for renewal. This seemed all too timely as I had just been clearing old energy and attachments from the past that were affecting my current state of being. Though the café was a happy memory and it motivated me to ride farther than I may have ridden that day, it was a significant moment of releasing the past. It quickly became clear to me other memories I’ve been keeping alive in my mind and heart that have been gone, done, over, dead for years. Some of these memories and yearnings have been tethers on my soul. It’s time to release them and allow them their place to rest. As I rode down the hill, my soul was lifted, experiencing the change of season, in awe of my day and my own personal transformation…and just then I felt an intense pang in my chest. Can you believe, I got stung by a bee right square in the heart. Make of it what you will, but my heart tingled and stung and then swelled up as if to say, ‘letting go is never easy, but a necessity just the same if you want to move forward and grow in your life.’ It aint what it used to be. Take a moment to notice what memories or emotional attachments you are holding on to and ask the question, “Is it still the case?” What are you carrying that is simply weighing you down? Breathe deeply into that, shake and release. Fall is the prefect time for transformation – the Earth does it, how ‘bout you?

Part II – I Aint What I Used To Be!
A couple days following the ride described above, my husband and I went on a grueling mountain bike ride. As I found myself getting off the bike and walking way more than I used to ‘in the day’, I realized that I aint what I used to be. Though I kept trying to embrace this thought and enjoy the ride anyway – or should I say the hike with my bike – at one point I couldn’t take another second of it, threw my bike in the bushes and let out a scream of frustration. Though there wasn’t much I could do to control my situation at the moment as there was only one way down, I did declare that I don’t need to do that ride ever again…or unless I find that fitness and aptitude in me one day in the future. I ain’t what I used to be. I can fight it, or embrace it and make different choices in my life. I chose different choices for now. Next time it will be a bit of an easier ride…and a whole lot more enjoyable. If you are hanging on to what you used to be, perhaps it’s time to embrace who you are today…whether that means different choices in your career, ambitions for other things, or new ways of caring for yourself….it’s a whole lot more fun, and others will thank you for it!

Tags: Coaching, Motherhood